Friday, October 21, 2011

In Loving Memory of Madison Grace.

I have been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now but have had no idea what to write.    I am not a writer, as I am sure you could tell from reading this blog, but I wanted to make this post special.  

We started our adoption April 2007.  We started the adoption with a referral for a beautiful baby girl, which is usually unheard of, usually you don't get a referral until about 3-6 months into the process.    We immediately began to fall in love with the little baby girl in the pictures we were given.   A few months into the adoption we decided we needed to go visit our baby girl in person.  So in September 2007 we traveled to Guatemala for a week.  It was one of the best weeks.  During that week we fell more in love with the baby we had decided to name Madison Grace.   Leaving her behind when we came back home was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but I left knowing that she was going to have the love of a mommy and daddy for the rest of her life.    We went back for a week visit during March 2008 (yes at this time I was 8 months pregnant with Jacob) so that we could be there for her 1st Birthday.  We could not imagine not celebrating such a milestone birthday without being with her.   This week was a hard week,she was sick with ear infections most of the week but we still would not have traded our time with her for anything in the world.   We were so thankful when she finally started feeling better on the day of her birthday and the rest of our visit was wonderful.   Again, leaving her was extremely hard but we were comforted by her knowing we loved her and knowing that we were her parents.   I will not go into the entire struggle of our adoption because if you have followed this blog you already know what happened.    We waited and waited for news about our adoption and over the last year our information about Madison was getting less and less frequent.   We had gone several months without any information about her well being when we received a phone call from our adoption agency on Jan, 9, 2010 informing us that due to paperwork irregularities our case was not going to move forward and thus our adoption would end without us bringing Madison home.   We were devestated by this news.  We spent many months attempting to find out more information and any details we could.  Each time we thought we might get some information the door was shut and we were left without any answers.   We finally decided that when God was ready for us to know more we would find out.  This was extremely hard to accept but we had no other choice and if we truely had faith that God had his hands in this adoption then we had to trust in him.    We began to just accept that while we did not like the outcome we would have peace that God's plan was in motion.   Just a few weeks ago we received a phone call from the division of Homeland Security that handles adoptions.  The Guatemalan government had finally released information on outstanding cases (we had no idea our case was still considered outstanding) and they had some information on our adoption they wanted to pass on to us.   They asked us what was the last we had heard and if we have received any information recently.  We told them what the adoptiona agency told us and about our trying to find out more but nobody would tell us anything.    She then confirmed what I had found on the internet the summer of 2010 but was not sure if it was her or not.    She informed us that Madison had passed away on Feb. 7, 2010 in a local hospital in Guatemala City.   I had come across an obitiuary while trying to find some answers online but could not ever have it confirmed if it was her or someone else.   The information we received from Homeland Security was identical to what the obitiuary had read.     This news was hard for us to hear but at the same time we had peace knowing that she has not been in an orphanage this entire time but instead resting in the arms of our Lord Jesus Christ.   We are very sad that we never got to bring her home but know that we will see her again.   She may not have been our daughter by the government standards but the moment we first saw her picture back in April 2007 she became our daughter in our hearts.   
Madison Grace, you were loved from the moment we first saw you and you have been loved everyday since.   I know you are having a blast in heaven.  I am sure you are having fun playing with your, sibling (from a miscarriage),  cousins and your great-grandparents.   WE LOVE YOU NOW AND FOREVER!  

                                             Madison Grace, March 20, 2007 - Feb. 7, 2010