The post I NEVER wanted to post....

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and frustration in my broken heart as I try to figure out what to type. We received an email from our adoption agency last night. After a very long journey, our journey has come to an end and Madison will not be coming home. Wayne and I have been VERY concerned with our case and the issues we have had, because of our attorney's mistakes, for a very long time and had a gut feeling that this would happen. (It still hurts no matter how much you have prepared your heart for this.) After our court hearing on Dec. 7 we expected to not hear anything for several days because that is how Julio works, but after several weeks without news we began to get really suspicious. Our agency began to get suspicious as well, especially when the others who ALWAYS returned her phone calls and emails stopped returning them. Our agency called PGN and finally was able to speak with someone who would look into our case. She found out that our case was suspended by PGN for too many irregularities in the paperwork (documents) and that it had been given to the Public Ministries. Our coordinator asked what this meant and what the expected outcome would be and she was told that our case would not be completed. We ask that you please continue to pray for us and for Madison. We pray that she will be given the opportunity to be adopted by another family in Guatemala so that she will not spend the rest of her life in an orphanage.
It is now more than ever that we will cling to the verse at the top of our blog - Jer. 29:11 and trust that God's plan may not be clear now but that it is the best plan. We will lean on each other and our faith. With the help and support of all of you we will make it through this tough time and will posper in some way.

Last night I told my mom that I wanted to be angry at God for this and she told me that I couldn't because if I truely believe he is in control then I have to trust he knows what is best for us. After spending some time thinking about it I wanted to be angry at God because simply being angry at our attorney did not seem harsh enough. I know God loves us and his plan for us is not to harm us which makes it impossible for me to be angry at him. I do question why we had to go through so much to get this outcome but for whatever reason I will stand true in my faith and trust God. I also know that satan is behind all deception and I will say for all to read - SATAN YOU LOST, MY FAITH IN GOD HAS ONLY BEEN STRENGTHENED NOT BROKEN!
While my heart is broken and I so wanted a different outcome I will not let this defeat me or my family. I also will have faith that Madison will be taken care of and will have a safe and happy life. We may never see her again but I will always know that she in God's hands and be comforted by that knowledge.

Nulsy Yoliveth Hernandes Cruz (Madison) you will always be loved and will always have a piece of our hearts. I pray that you will grow up knowing that you are loved. Please know that you will always have the love of this mother and father's hearts and that we will always remember how special you are and will never forget.